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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23995477">I did not have sexual relations with that gun</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhereforbad/pseuds/justhereforbad'>justhereforbad</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Geography (Anthropomorphic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gun Kink, Other, america fucks gun, uhhh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2019-06-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2019-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:02:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,795</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23995477</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhereforbad/pseuds/justhereforbad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"But I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again. I Did  Not. Have. Sexual Relations. With That Gun, AR-15. I never told anybody to lie. Not a single time. Never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people, thank you. " - America.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>America/AR-15 (country humans)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Sexi gun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>America took pride in his weapons. Especially his firearms.</p><p> Some people thought that was weird, they called in an obsession. They watered down his love for his precious guns to some sort of sadistic addiction to machines of destruction. They believed he used them nothing but to cause havoc.  America always stood his ground and argued for his precious firearms. They were more than just weapons to him. He always won... in his opinion at least. </p><p>He wouldn't have cared if he lost anyways. These guns were his family, and he had the right to love and care for his family. </p><p>Each one of his guns was kept in their peak performance. Any minor problem fixed, no gun left jammed or locked up. Each was carefully cleaned. Taken apart and rubbed the gunk off, using solvent to clean off the difficult spots. He would put solvent in the barrel, then carefully wipe it clean. He made sure every single one was clean and healthy. </p><p>Today he went out to his own make-shift shooting range. He used his beautiful Armalite Rifle, AR-15 for short. America felt the heavy weapon laying loosely in his hands. </p><p> His AR-15 was of his special ones. It was one of his newer weapons, and quickly becoming one of his favorites. The outside was black and sleek, it shot like a charm and hadn't jammed on him once. He glazed at the gun, reminiscing about the day he just had with it. He loved the heavy feel of it in his hands. He loved the recoil it gave him. He loved the satisfying sounds it made as he shot it. He loved how dangerous it was. He loved everything about it. </p><p>It was just beautiful. It got America going. Everything about the beautiful pristine gun made him desire for it. America had interest in other countries before. But somehow the metal machine was more attractive than any living would be. Would a person be able to do what this gun does to America? He doubted it. Only a machine could truly satisfy him. He flipped the gun over in his hands, viewing its beautiful self from all angles. </p><p>"Oh baby, " America caressed the gun's upper receiver, sighing. "we're gonna have fun tonight."</p><p>The assault rifle silently laid in America's hands, saying no response, "..." His emotions carried across without words. America quickly thought of some quick remark the gun would say if it could. He did this often to his weapons, giving them some personality. </p><p>"Oh, you naughty gun!!" America blushed at the gun, "You know how I like my partners: Silent but Deadly." He chuckled. He picked his finger up and moved it to the muzzle of the gun. The finger slid down the top of the gun. He stopped at the front sight to fiddle with it and finger the other's hole with his pinkie. After a few seconds of playing, he moved his finger to the rails, tracing over each one of them. He moved on to the upper receiver, continuing to trace the bumps and crannies on it.</p><p>He huffed quietly, just for the both of them to hear, "You're beautiful, AR. I love everything about you, I have thought about nothing today other than doing something intimate with you.." </p><p>The gun said nothing. The country  moved along to the rear sight, fiddling with the aim. He didn't want to mess up what he already spent a half hour on fixing, so he caressed the stock of the gun, moving down to the butt plate. He tapped the butt of the gun, childishly giggling to his immature self at the thought of the name.  America used his  hand to grab the front grip, his other still strongly held on the back grip. </p><p>"I want to do it raw tonight, babe.." He whispered sensually, causing the gun to do nothing. America quickly switched the safety off the gun. His heart rate spiked as he thought of all the mishaps that could happen. He was gambling with life to get some sick kicks. That turned America on even more. </p><p>He held tighter on the grips, turned it so the dark hole of the barrel was facing him, and pulled it close to his face. He sensually kissed the gun's muzzle. America bit the metal, asking for permission. The AR-15 stayed silent. America groaned into the gun, taking the silent response as a yes. He licked around the gun's muzzle, his tongue sticking in all the small holes. He dipped his tongue into the large hole in the front, lapping up any residue lead left in from shooting. Which would probably hurt him later... Whatever he was horny it didn't matter.</p><p>America slowly glided his hand from the front grip, teasing the rubber with his fingernails, over the edge of the trigger, and down to the base of it's magazine. He traced the crevices and designs of the magazine, still fondling the muzzle with his tongue. America made sure he touched every part of the gun, especially it's large magazine.</p><p>"What a big boy," The country moaned into the gun, gawking at the size of the extended magazine. "Is this for me?" He patted the bullet holder. </p><p>"..." Answered the assault rifle.</p><p>The American got humor out of it's response. He wrapped his hand around the magazine, forgetting if he had emptied it or not. He moaned into the muzzle as he thought about if he hadn't. One wrong click while playing with the trigger and he'd be gone.</p><p> America separated his mouth from the muzzle. A string of saliva hung between their two openings. He pecked the front of it before sliding his mouth to the barrel of the gun. America left quick kisses and licks along the gun's cylindrical barrel. </p><p>"You're just amazing, babe." He praised.</p><p>"..."</p><p>"Jesus Christ, you make me so needy!" America exclaimed, "I need to feel you closer." He panted, looking at the AR with a begging expression.</p><p>America leaned down and positioned himself on his knees, spreading his legs apart. He held the gun vertically, it's butt plate on the ground. The gun's well-sized magazine pressed up against the other's growing bulge, following in the crack of his body and touching all his most sensitive parts.</p><p>"Fuck- AR!" America let out a breathy moan, holding onto the rifle's rails and playing with it's front sight. The country rutted himself against the magazine. His clothes gave more friction to his privates. </p><p>"F-f-u-u-u-c-k.." He dragged out his words, trembling with pleasure. America sighed and pulled the gun away from his body, sad from the loss of contact. "Don't worry, we're not done yet. I just want to get in a better position." He assured his partner and himself. </p><p>The gun laid on its side on the ground, quietly awaiting the continuation of their fun.</p><p>America noted he gun's lack of response and started to strip. He wanted to put on the best show he could for his partner. He unbuttoned his heavy camo hunting coat, letting it fall off his shoulders. Eyeing the gun on the floor as he did so, his sunglasses laid lower on his face, showing half-lidded eyes. He shook the jacket the rest of the way off his arms, glad that he was able to escape the padded prison. He grabbed onto opposite sides of the bottom of his shirt, pulling it off in one motion. America couldn't handle waiting anymore, even if it meant cutting his little show short. He fiddled with his annoying belt before it fell off his waist, letting his previously concealed slight chub pop out. Then, he eagerly kicked the loose jeans off with his boxers.  </p><p>Completely naked now, America got back into his kneeling position and held the assault rifle closer to his nude body. His dick arched against the cold hand guard of the gun. His junk was held by the equally as cold magazine, which also teased at his crack.</p><p>"G-god dammit, Armalite..." He moaned, continuing his feverish rutting against the gun. He held it up by holding onto the back of the top of it. The gun-loving country kissed the barrel and muzzle in between small pants. America's boner was not stopped by the frigid metal of the gun, if anything it exasperated it. He groaned and humped the gun, soaking in every single detail about the gun he could feel. All attention to his gun, his beautiful AR-15. It's beautiful, once clean outside now covered in its owner's sweat and precum. America would have to clean that later- But right now he couldn't think about anything else but how wonderful it felt, each motion sending waves of pleasure to his abdomen. He felt the knot building up pressure, quickening  his thrusts against his gun. America's breath got faster and shorter. He pulled the gun closer and placed a kiss on the hole of it's muzzle. </p><p>"AR, Oh I'm coming-" America hissed, slowing his pace dramatically as his high hit him. He sprayed his fluids all over his precious assault rifle and the ground. Quietly moaning names for his gun as he rode out his orgasm.</p><p> America shakily picked up the gun and stood up. He looked down at the mess he made to his floor and his firearm, knowing how he would have to clean his own DNA out of one of his guns... again. </p><p>"Goddammit."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 950 JDJ</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this was originally supposed to be a one-off shitpost but i have more ideas. </p><p>I get these fucking dumb ideas and i need to write them down or i will not be able to sleep. thanks.</p><p>tl;dr: america shoves bullet up anus.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>America didn't feel as attached to bullets as we was to guns. Bullets were made to be thrown away, they only served one use. Guns could last for millions of uses, bullets could only last one. But this time, America purchased a special one for a special occasion.</p><p>America held the bullet in his hand.</p><p>God it was massive.</p><p>He rolled in around in his palm in a loose grip. The copper glinted in the light. A beautiful thing. The large bullet in his hands was extremely heavy. He grabbed the base of the bullet, the thing together just shy of 5 inches. America looked at the bald tip. Maybe he should have shelled out some more money to buy it silver plated, an amazing contrast from the copper. He shrugged that thought off, he wasn't going to see it much where it was going.</p><p>America placed the bullet right side up on his bedside before falling on his bed. He was nervous. The most he ever put up there was a finger or two during his experimental stage in high school. Now he was about to use something equivalent to the size of the average dick.</p><p>"That's how most people do it, right?" He asked no one as he pulled down his pants, shaking them off the rest of the way. He pulled the brand new bottle of lube. 'Thankfully from two different stores, no cashiers were scared today.' America chuckled at his own thoughts.</p><p>He squirted some cold lube on his fingers. He spread his legs and put his arm between them. His finger pressed against his hole, shivering at the coldness of the lube. He traced around the tight ring. His heart pounded in his chest. He pressed a finger inside and hissed at the burning pain. He kept pushing it further inside, his willpower stronger than his pain. Knuckles met his ass and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.</p><p>"Okay... This isn't too-Ah!" He pulled himself out to push back in, "Isn't too bad.."</p><p>Soon America had found a good pace and started to enjoy the fingering. He touched some part of his inner walls and waves of pleasure shook through his body and he practically screamed. He wanted more, so he shoved another finger in. It felt the same way as the first, but the pain was immensely dulled by him pressing against the spot again with both fingers. He quickly got used to it and decided to experiment by spreading his fingers apart inside of himself. America jerked up his hips moaned from the pleasure. He spread and curled his fingers, abusing his own tight hole. America could feel a tight knot in his stomach grow.</p><p>"F-fuck!" He yelped as he pulled out his fingers as he tried to avoid a premature orgasm. He laid on the bed and panted with his brain foggy from the new experience. America had already gotten a hard-on and edged from just fingering himself. He looked at the giant bullet standing on his beside.</p><p>"Oh," He chuckled, "This is going to be fun!" He excitedly assured himself, grabbing the 950 JDJ in one hand and the lube in the other. He added a lot more lube on the bullet than he did with his fingers, then he rubbed it to lubricate the entire thing equally. America shifted, one of his legs up and him laying sideways then reached down from behind himself to get better access.</p><p>He pushed the JDJ through the tight ring, "Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck..." He trailed on as he shoved the massive bullet further inside. He had to stop for a breather, barely half of the way inside. It was huge, a lot more thicker than two of his fingers. The cold copper pressed harshly against his walls and did not waver to the tightness of him. With his fingers he could move and twist, they were bendable. This was cold hard metal, it did not change with such little force. America tilted the bullet and it jabbed right into the spot that felt good before. America threw his head back and let out a cry of pleasure. His body shook and his hole clenched as he orgasmed. He let himself out on the sheets and himself.</p><p>"Jesus... Already? " He said between pants, disappointed in himself. He let his body calm down and his thoughts clear.</p><p>He pushed the bullet farther inside of himself. "A little jizz isn't gonna scare me off." He assured himself of round 2 with the bullet. At some point he felt like something was pushing on his gut, presumably the bullet. It wasn't that big, was it? America started to worry, he had no idea how gay sex worked- He didn't know if this was normal or if it meant for him to stop.</p><p>America mentally slapped himself. 'I'm America, I have touched countless guns in this way, and now I am using this bullet, which could very well explode at pressure, as a dildo. I should not be afraid of something faggots worry about.' He thought to himself, putting on a confident expression before thrusting the rest of the bullet inside of him, just leaving enough for his fingers to grip onto. He moaned at the sudden thrust. His legs shook and his ass burned. The cold lube and metal were his saving grace, cooling him off slightly. He waited like he did with fingers, and quickly stretched to accommodate the bullet.</p><p>America pulled the bullet out almost all the way before thrusting all the way to the hilt. He moaned loud and felt pressure inside of him. He started to repeat the action, moaning out senseless words the entire time.</p><p>He shifted positions so that he was lying on his stomach now, pillow underneath his gut. His legs trembled from supporting barely any of his weight. America searched for the blessed spot again, tilting the bullet at all angles until he struck a gold mine and screamed out pleasure. He sped up the speed of the bullet and hit the same area every time. Each touch made his vision flash, driving him more and more insane by the second.</p><p>America's mind was filled with only the greedy begs for more, and his mouth eagerly voiced them to no one but himself and the mindless bullet. "Fuck-More! Ha--Harder!" America complied with his own demands, now pumping the bullet in and out of himself at lighting speed. He held back none of his sounds, his desperate moans and squeaks filling the room.</p><p>A familiar knot tangled in self inside of America, and it grew fast. His hands grew sloppy as he edged closer and closer to his climax. In one last coordinated move he shoved it as far as it would go with a grip still on it. His orgasm rocked him as he came on another section of his sheets and pillow.</p><p>He gasped for breath. His legs shook violently, America knew he couldn't walk. He weakly pulled the 950 JDJ out of himself, gasping as it slid out of him with an audible 'pop' sound. His stretched asshole clenched on air, not able to return to a fully-closed tightness. America lifted the sticky, heavy bullet over the table and set it down.</p><p>America was sure he was going to try that again later.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>America had sexual relations with that gun. And probably a lot of them. </p>
<p>I spent 3 hours writing a story about a personified country humping an ar-15. I am a successful person. Im going to read this tomorrow and i am going to find so many errors in it just wait.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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